I have noticed lately that I am running on a 5 second delay. I can't seem to think straight for at least 5 seconds when one of my children ask me a question. It is as if my brain is trying to figure out a tough math equation. This had me worried for a bit... until I figured out why.
When you are a mother of three children (or 2 or 1!) - you are in a constant state of protection, discipline and fear. Whenever they ask me a question I use the first second to comprehend the question.... "Mom, can I feed the fish?" and at first the question may seem harmless and you may want to blurt out..."Sure son, that would be so helpful" as you sigh a blissful sigh of "O how wonderful my helpful kids are". But you stop.... tick tock another second has gone by...then you think... does he really want to feed the fish - or does he just want to play with the water? letting him feed the fish will give him independence... but I will get a backache cleaning up the flakes and the water from the floor... tick tock. Maybe I just need to pick my battles here - I mean how much water can he actually splash out? Am I making too much of a big deal here? and then you snap back into reality 5 seconds later and answer... cautiously "OK".
Sometimes the 5 second delay turns into a 10 second delay. This is when I wait a few seconds before I say "what?" and have them repeat the question to me. Like just before... Salvatore asked me if he could sign up for nexon account. I balked, stalled, and had to say "what?" more than once. Maybe that is because I have never heard of a nexon account and it took me longer to understand the question. My brain had to catch up with the information. Then the answer took twice as long to reach my lips. What is a nexon account? Is it safe? Should I allow him to play with his ipod so much? Maybe I should ask my husband - he would know. Am I giving in too much? Will this cause my son to get hooked on video games - and then do drugs and then end up in jail and then have to live on the streets?
Finally I blurted out "Um yeah, OK - I trust you, Sal" I mean how bad could it be - the main website is in Korean - no threat there - Salvatore can't read Korean... or can he? Maybe this nexon thing is just a cover up for some pre-pubescent smutty website... and then I am really in a whirlwind of 5 second delays.
I think I could run around all day in a constant delay - second guessing every decision and plan that I make - but who has time for this?
For now I will learn to embrace the 5 second delay and realize that God has given me, and countless other mothers, this 5 second delay as a sort of way to determine risks and then act accordingly. It is a cushion, a buffer and a minute (or 5 seconds) of contemplation. It is something that you acquire with age and wisdom... and wrinkles. It is like a badge of honor.
In the distance I hear Vincent call "Mom, can I have a lollipop?" No delay here - I immediately say "Yes, and bring me one too!" I understood the question, contemplated the risks and replied in a timely manner... but that was an easy one! I'll save the 5 seconds for the tough ones!
Thursday, August 4, 2011
Wednesday, August 3, 2011
My Angel
My sweet little Angelo will be 9 years old on Friday. He is an "Angel" and I love him so much. It has been a long road for Angelo & me - we have been through alot. He is my one child that has made me really have to be a parent.
When he was born... Jaundice - back in the hospital for a few days... I was forced to parent for the first time and make serious medical decisions... even though he is my second child... Salvatore was so by the book - but my little Angel... he wanted to pave my parenting way!
When he was 2 years old... a fever for 21 days! Blood tests and lots of worry. What could it be? The conclusion was that we would try to take out his tonsils to see if that made a difference - and even though Salvatore's were already out - Angelo's ordeal seemed so much more of an emergency... so much more intense. The tonsillectomy worked. Fever was gone. Wrinkles were getting deeper and deeper on my face. More parenting. More learning between Angelo and me.
Between the ages of 3 & 4 I began to notice differences between Angelo and other children. He was wired differently - perfectly - but differently. I loved him and do love him so much. He was so sweet - I called him my spirited child. Always on the go - and always so charming. After several evaluations we determined that Angelo had ADD. I was assured that Angelo would get all the help he needed and I was content... for a while. I didn't realize that I was about to embark on a whirlwind journey with my son that would take me from the medical field to natural healing and everywhere in between.
He is wired differently, my son. He is AWESOME! But the concerns I have over him have brought me to my knees many more times than I care to admit. I feel so helpless over him at times and so very worried. You see - I am a naturalist at heart - I steer away from drugs to cure and I have always been a huge advocate of anything organic. I naturally want to do the opposite of what all of Angelo's doctors want to do. I want to help my baby - I want to find a way to "cure" him of anything that might cause him to feel anxiety or pain. I think I want what every mom wants - I want him to be happy and healthy.
I am at such a crossroads in this situation. I have several doctors telling me that Angelo needs medication for his ADD. I disagree - I feel in my heart that there has to be a better way for him. I just know it! I struggle with feeling like I don't have enough medical education to go back at the doctors and tell them NO! I have bottles of medications on my shelf... ones that we have tried and ones waiting for us to try... but I am at a sticking point. I do not want to use medication to numb my child. I do not want to give him medication that causes him anxiety and worry and I certainly don't want to medicate him to make his teachers job easier - I don't think that is what medication should be used for.
Angelo and I have worked so hard at learning to trust one another - I need to listen to what he has to say... He will be 9 years old and I think he is ready to take an active role in his health care. We are off to the neurologist today... basically to let them know that we are off medication and we have been since June. We are using supplements and vitamins - trying to stay away from preservatives and food dyes - eating as much organic as our budget will allow, seeing a chiropractor and going "natural" for a while.
God gave me this perfect, special, wonderful, amazing, beautiful boy and I owe it to Him to take the best care of Angelo that I can. I need to find a peace within myself before I can move on medically with Angelo - I need to make Angelo my partner and allow him to make medical decisions with me. I need to love him and protect him and discipline him and pray for him. And wait... wait for some clarity - some clear cut direction and some peace. I know this is such a hot topic for so many families out there... and I know that there are children who definitely need medication to succeed - I am not trying to knock anyone or start a riot. I just know my son, and I know all that he is capable of - off medication - I just know that we will find a way - it may involve medication in the future... but for right now... we will just finish out the summer with our own agenda... sand between our toes - chlorine in our hair - fun times with family and friends and worry free! Just like God wants us to be.
When he was born... Jaundice - back in the hospital for a few days... I was forced to parent for the first time and make serious medical decisions... even though he is my second child... Salvatore was so by the book - but my little Angel... he wanted to pave my parenting way!
When he was 2 years old... a fever for 21 days! Blood tests and lots of worry. What could it be? The conclusion was that we would try to take out his tonsils to see if that made a difference - and even though Salvatore's were already out - Angelo's ordeal seemed so much more of an emergency... so much more intense. The tonsillectomy worked. Fever was gone. Wrinkles were getting deeper and deeper on my face. More parenting. More learning between Angelo and me.
Between the ages of 3 & 4 I began to notice differences between Angelo and other children. He was wired differently - perfectly - but differently. I loved him and do love him so much. He was so sweet - I called him my spirited child. Always on the go - and always so charming. After several evaluations we determined that Angelo had ADD. I was assured that Angelo would get all the help he needed and I was content... for a while. I didn't realize that I was about to embark on a whirlwind journey with my son that would take me from the medical field to natural healing and everywhere in between.
He is wired differently, my son. He is AWESOME! But the concerns I have over him have brought me to my knees many more times than I care to admit. I feel so helpless over him at times and so very worried. You see - I am a naturalist at heart - I steer away from drugs to cure and I have always been a huge advocate of anything organic. I naturally want to do the opposite of what all of Angelo's doctors want to do. I want to help my baby - I want to find a way to "cure" him of anything that might cause him to feel anxiety or pain. I think I want what every mom wants - I want him to be happy and healthy.
I am at such a crossroads in this situation. I have several doctors telling me that Angelo needs medication for his ADD. I disagree - I feel in my heart that there has to be a better way for him. I just know it! I struggle with feeling like I don't have enough medical education to go back at the doctors and tell them NO! I have bottles of medications on my shelf... ones that we have tried and ones waiting for us to try... but I am at a sticking point. I do not want to use medication to numb my child. I do not want to give him medication that causes him anxiety and worry and I certainly don't want to medicate him to make his teachers job easier - I don't think that is what medication should be used for.
Angelo and I have worked so hard at learning to trust one another - I need to listen to what he has to say... He will be 9 years old and I think he is ready to take an active role in his health care. We are off to the neurologist today... basically to let them know that we are off medication and we have been since June. We are using supplements and vitamins - trying to stay away from preservatives and food dyes - eating as much organic as our budget will allow, seeing a chiropractor and going "natural" for a while.
God gave me this perfect, special, wonderful, amazing, beautiful boy and I owe it to Him to take the best care of Angelo that I can. I need to find a peace within myself before I can move on medically with Angelo - I need to make Angelo my partner and allow him to make medical decisions with me. I need to love him and protect him and discipline him and pray for him. And wait... wait for some clarity - some clear cut direction and some peace. I know this is such a hot topic for so many families out there... and I know that there are children who definitely need medication to succeed - I am not trying to knock anyone or start a riot. I just know my son, and I know all that he is capable of - off medication - I just know that we will find a way - it may involve medication in the future... but for right now... we will just finish out the summer with our own agenda... sand between our toes - chlorine in our hair - fun times with family and friends and worry free! Just like God wants us to be.
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