To Paumanok class of 2011

Today was graduation day!   I am so proud of all of the kids from Paumanok.  During the ceremony, they sang the song below.  It was so touching - the words are so true... especially from a child.  "I'm that little bit of hope - when my backs against the ropes."  They are our little bit of hope - our children.  I hope you enjoy the song. 

"The World's Greatest" by R. Kelly
http://youtu.be/ssqOJ0s71S0


I am a mountain
I am a tall tree
Oh, I am a swift wind
Sweepin' the country

I am a river
Down in the valley
Oh, I am a vision
And I can see clearly

If anybody asks u who I am
Just stand up tall look 'em in the face and say

I'm that star up in the sky
I'm that mountain peak up high
Hey, I made it
I'm the worlds greatest

And I'm that little bit of hope
When my backs against the ropes
I can feel it mmm
I'm the worlds greatest

I am a giant
I am an eagle
I am a lion
Down in the jungle

I am a marchin' band
I am the people
I am a helpin' hand
And I am a hero

If anybody asks u who I am
Just stand up tall look 'em in the Face and say

I'm that star up in the sky
I'm that mountain peak up high
Hey, I made it
I'm the worlds greatest

And I'm that little bit of hope
When my backs against the ropes
I can feel it
I'm the worlds greatest

In the ring of life I'll reign love
And the world will notice a king
When all is darkest, I'll shine a light
And use a success you'll find in me

I'm that star up in the sky
I'm that mountain peak up high
Hey, I made it
I'm the world's greatest

And I'm that little bit of hope
When my back's against the ropes
I can feel it
I'm the world's greatest

I'm that star up in the sky
I'm that mountain peak up high
Hey, I made it
I'm the world's greatest

And I'm that little bit of hope
When my back's against the ropes
I can feel it
I'm the world's greatest

I'm that star up in the sky
I'm that mountain peak up high
Hey, I made it
I'm the world's greatest

And I'm that little bit of hope
When my back's against the ropes
I can feel it
I'm the world's greatest

It's the greatest
Can you feel it
It's the greatest
Can you feel it

I saw the light
At the end of a tunnel
Believe in the pot of gold
At the end of the rainbow

He's three days old!

I knew it was coming - I just knew it - but the relentless march of time got the best of me.  I was a new mother, and my son was three days old.  I was weepy and so hormonal that it was no wonder that I was crying... "He's three days old!" I cried to my sister.  She sat there looking at me - not yet a mother - but soon to be and said..."Yeah - he's only three days old..."  like she totally didn't get it - but I did.  9 months of pregnancy - GONE - hours of labor - OVER - and here he was and three days had passed ALREADY!  Where had the time gone - it was three days ALREADY!  I mourned the fact the he was so... old. 

I knew what this meant.  Three days would turn into three weeks then months then years and now...  I tried to savor every moment - the fading baby smell - the first tooth - first steps - and in a blur it went by.  Before I knew it - we had Angelo - years - then Vincent - years - we moved into a new home - years - 1st day of kindergarten! - years - he can swim now! - years - he plays the piano! - years - he is in 5th grade! WOW!  I can't believe it.  He is almost taller than me... his feet are bigger than mine - this sweet baby that was cradled in my arms - not that long ago... but years away.  Tomorrow he will graduate from elementary school and I know that the next few years will fly by and before I know it he will be graduating from High School - years.

I am so proud of him I can hardly stand it.  he is such a kind and gentle soul.  He is, as I call him, my "Best Big Boy".  He is a friend to everyone and does not see limitations in anyone he meets.  His catch word is GREAT!  Sal, how was school? GREAT - How was your day? GREAT - and he is great!  Always with a smile - always willing to help - always there to share a hearty laugh.  I love him as any mother would - but I LIKE him as a person too.  He is someone I would want to spend time with. 

I am so looking forward to the next few years with him - and to seeing where his life takes me.  I thank God for him and all of my boys and I am so in love with my life.  I just want to freeze this time - because before I know it... he'll be three days older.

Your will, not mine be done...

There is a verse in the bible from the book of Mark -"Abba, Father! You can do all things. Let me not have this cup {of suffering}. But do what you want, not what I want."

I think this may be one of the hardest verses in the Bible - for me anyway.  We have an awesome God who can do all things - but sometimes the things God wants are not what we want.  Sometimes what we ache for are things that are just not meant to be... they are just not God's will.  I truly believe that God does not want to see us suffer and I believe that He wants to give us what we want - but we are not God and we can't see the "BIG picture".  It is so hard!  

As a child I remember my heart aching for the coolest 10 speed bicycle and then as I got older my heart ached for the college acceptance letter I wanted - but as an adult... the aches are much more real - much more significant.  I try not to spend too much time asking for or praying for or wishing for material things.  I have most of what I want - God has been good to me - but there are things as an adult and a mother that I ache for.  I ache for my children - that they are safe and healthy - I ache for wanting to live to a ripe old age so I can see them live their lives.  I ache for my parents that they would take care of themselves so that they can enjoy those same things.  I ache or myself - when I make mistakes and ask for Gods forgiveness - when I am anxious - when I am scared.  I pray and ask for all of these things and then leave it to God to do His will.  And although every day that goes by it seems that my prayers have been answered, it is still hard to let go of the prayers and let God's will be done.  But I do it because I trust God.  

That being said... I have an old friend from college.  He was in one of the fraternities that our sorority hung out with.  We weren't great friends... just friends by default because our groups of friends were friends.  He has a child who is very sick.  There are thousands of people praying for him and his family - thousands - and his son is still sick.  It is so scary to pray for God's will on this one.  It's not that I don't trust God - I do and I know that He loves Ty more than anyone here on earth does - but what if God's will is not the will of the thousands here praying?  What if the outcomes don't match up?  What if God has a different plan?  It is hard to think about and this is not even my child... yet I feel like part of him is.  I am a mother - and watching this all play out tugs at my maternal nerves.  I read the posts about Ty and I am immediately connected to this child - just because I have children of my own.  I am not trying to say that I understand all that they are going through - not by a long shot - but the mom in me is scared.  This could be any child - this could be my child - and for the first time I am scared of God's will.  I ache for this child to be healed and I pray and I cry and my mind wanders to dark places and so I pray harder and harder.  But God's will will be done and we have to trust that He knows what's best.  We have to hope for the miracle and hope for the things that we want to be part of God's plan and then truly leave the rest to Him.  We have to let go of what we know and trust Him.  It is so hard!  It can be heartbreaking and frustrating and scary - but that is what we are called to do.  Let His will be done and accept it.    

I will pray with hope for Ty and his family and I will pray for peace and comfort and I will pray for understanding.  But I think the biggest thing I can pray for for them and for all of us is acceptance - not to give up - but acceptance that God has a plan and that His plan is perfect and we may not understand it... now... but He's got a plan!  He knows the desires of all of our hearts and He wants to give us what we want - maybe we just need to let go long enough so He can give it. 

 

My Own Little World

I have had a bad day.  It was nothing tragic - just a series of situations that made me think that I should have stayed in bed.  As I was wallowing around in my own self pity, I heard this song on the radio.  My Own Little World.  It is so true.  What if while I am so wrapped up in me, I am missing something like the song says.  I need to focus OUT today instead of in.  I think that is just the right prescription to get me out of this bad mood.  Hope you enjoy the song...

My Own Little World - by Matthew West

In my own little world it hardly ever rains
I’ve never gone hungry, always felt safe
I got some money in my pocket, shoes on my feet
In my own little world
Population me

I try to stay awake during Sunday morning church
I throw a twenty in the plate, but I never give ’til it hurts
I turn off the news when I don’t like what I see
Yeah, it’s easy to do when it’s
Population: me

What if there’s a bigger picture?
What if I’m missing out?
What if there’s a greater purpose
I could be living right now

Outside my own little world oooh

Stopped at a red light, looked out my window
I saw a cardboard sign, said “Help this homeless widow”
Above that sign was the face of a human
I thought to myself, “God, what have I been doing?”

So I rolled down the window and I looked her in the eye
Oh how many times have I just passed her by?
So I gave her some money then I drove on through
And my own little world reached
Population two

What if there’s a bigger picture?
What if I’m missing out?
What if there’s a greater purpose
I could be living right now

Outside my own little world yeah, yeah
 
My own little world oooh

Father break my heart for what breaks Yours
Give me open hands and open doors
Put Your Light in my eyes and let me see
That my own little world is not about me

What if there’s a bigger picture?
What if I’m missing out?
What if there’s a greater purpose
That I could be living right now

I don't want to miss what matters
I wanna be reaching out
Show me the greater purpose
So I can start livin right now

Outside my own little world oooh

Outside My own little world yeah yeah

Outside My own little world oooh

Nancy is soooo closed minded!

I think there is a fine line between having a firm belief in something and being closed minded.  People have, in the past, called me closed minded because of my faith.  I try so hard not to be and to really listen to others... but when you have such a strong belief in something, it's hard to accept that others may not agree with you.  I don't really want them to agree with me - I want them to experience what I have and to know the secure feeling that comes with my faith.  I want them to want to agree with me.  My faith has brought me so much comfort and has grounded me and my family so much and I think that is what alot of people are looking for these days.  I wish I knew of a way that I could show others how I feel... but the best way I can come up with is to be an example of what God is to me, to others.  It's not easy - and I screw up all the time - but if I can show it to even just one person, then I will be satisfied.  The gift of my faith is for everyone.  It is simple:  I am a true believer in the Bible as God's Holy Word.  I believe it to be true and infallible.  I believe that Jesus is the Son of God that died on a cross to save me from my sins.  I believe in Heaven and I know that I will go there someday.  Simple... yet so complicated too.  I can see how the world is so twisted... all different kinds of people believing all different kinds of things... and each one of them believing that theirs is the truth and the way that others should go.  It's hard because I don't want to alienate others by saying that they are wrong... it's just that I believe so strongly in my faith that they must be the ones who got it wrong... and so goes the world all twisted and confused.  I just know that with Christ on my side I am safe and I am loved and want everyone to feel that way.  Maybe I will always be seen as closed minded - and that's OK.  I will still try to be to others what Christ is to me and I hope that if you see me acting differently - you would tell me. 
I will try to free my mind and think outside the box.  I will try to accept others for what they believe and I will try to be tolerant - but you can be sure, too, that I will still always be a believer in God and His bible and His Son.  I will defend my faith and my God for as long as I live and I will continue to try and become more like Him every day.  If that is being closed minded... then count me in!