My Angel

My sweet little Angelo will be 9 years old on Friday.  He is an "Angel" and I love him so much.  It has been a long road for Angelo & me - we have been through alot.  He is my one child that has made me really have to be a parent. 
When he was born... Jaundice - back in the hospital for a few days... I was forced to parent for the first time and make serious medical decisions... even though he is my second child... Salvatore was so by the book - but my little Angel... he wanted to pave my parenting way! 
When he was 2 years old... a fever for 21 days!  Blood tests and lots of worry.  What could it be?  The conclusion was that we would try to take out his tonsils to see if that made a difference - and even though Salvatore's were already out - Angelo's ordeal seemed so much more of an emergency... so much more intense.  The tonsillectomy worked.  Fever was gone.  Wrinkles were getting deeper and deeper on my face.  More parenting. More learning between Angelo and me. 
Between the ages of 3 & 4 I began to notice differences between Angelo and other children.  He was wired differently - perfectly - but differently.  I loved him and do love him so much.  He was so sweet - I called him my spirited child.  Always on the go - and always so charming.  After several evaluations we determined that Angelo had ADD.  I was assured that Angelo would get all the help he needed and I was content... for a while.  I didn't realize that I was about to embark on a whirlwind journey with my son that would take me from the medical field to natural healing and everywhere in between. 
He is wired differently, my son.  He is AWESOME!  But the concerns I have over him have brought me to my knees many more times than I care to admit.  I feel so helpless over him at times and so very worried.  You see - I am a naturalist at heart - I steer away from drugs to cure and I have always been a huge advocate of anything organic.  I naturally want to do the opposite of what all of Angelo's doctors want to do.  I want to help my baby - I want to find a way to "cure" him of anything that might cause him to feel anxiety or pain.  I think I want what every mom wants - I want him to be happy and healthy. 
I am at such a crossroads in this situation.  I have several doctors telling me that Angelo needs medication for his ADD.  I disagree - I feel in my heart that there has to be a better way for him.  I just know it!  I struggle with feeling like I don't have enough medical education to go back at the doctors and tell them NO!  I have bottles of medications on my shelf... ones that we have tried and ones waiting for us to try... but I am at a sticking point.  I do not want to use medication to numb my child.  I do not want to give him medication that causes him anxiety and worry and I certainly don't want to medicate him to make his teachers job easier - I don't think that is what medication should be used for. 
Angelo and I have worked so hard at learning to trust one another - I need to listen to what he has to say... He will be 9 years old and I think he is ready to take an active role in his health care.  We are off to the neurologist today... basically to let them know that we are off medication and we have been since June.  We are using supplements and vitamins - trying to stay away from preservatives and food dyes - eating as much organic as our budget will allow, seeing a chiropractor and going "natural" for a while. 
God gave me this perfect, special, wonderful, amazing, beautiful boy and I owe it to Him to take the best care of Angelo that I can.  I need to find a peace within myself before I can move on medically with Angelo - I need to make Angelo my partner and allow him to make medical decisions with me.  I need to love him and protect him and discipline him and pray for him.  And wait... wait for some clarity - some clear cut direction and some peace.  I know this is such a hot topic for so many families out there... and I know that there are children who definitely need medication to succeed - I am not trying to knock anyone or start a riot.  I just know my son, and I know all that he is capable of - off medication - I just know that we will find a way - it may involve medication in the future... but for right now... we will just finish out the summer with our own agenda... sand between our toes - chlorine in our hair - fun times with family and friends and worry free!  Just like God wants us to be.