There is a verse in the bible from the book of Mark -"Abba, Father! You can do all things. Let me not have this cup {of suffering}. But do what you want, not what I want."
I think this may be one of the hardest verses in the Bible - for me anyway. We have an awesome God who can do all things - but sometimes the things God wants are not what we want. Sometimes what we ache for are things that are just not meant to be... they are just not God's will. I truly believe that God does not want to see us suffer and I believe that He wants to give us what we want - but we are not God and we can't see the "BIG picture". It is so hard!
As a child I remember my heart aching for the coolest 10 speed bicycle and then as I got older my heart ached for the college acceptance letter I wanted - but as an adult... the aches are much more real - much more significant. I try not to spend too much time asking for or praying for or wishing for material things. I have most of what I want - God has been good to me - but there are things as an adult and a mother that I ache for. I ache for my children - that they are safe and healthy - I ache for wanting to live to a ripe old age so I can see them live their lives. I ache for my parents that they would take care of themselves so that they can enjoy those same things. I ache or myself - when I make mistakes and ask for Gods forgiveness - when I am anxious - when I am scared. I pray and ask for all of these things and then leave it to God to do His will. And although every day that goes by it seems that my prayers have been answered, it is still hard to let go of the prayers and let God's will be done. But I do it because I trust God.
That being said... I have an old friend from college. He was in one of the fraternities that our sorority hung out with. We weren't great friends... just friends by default because our groups of friends were friends. He has a child who is very sick. There are thousands of people praying for him and his family - thousands - and his son is still sick. It is so scary to pray for God's will on this one. It's not that I don't trust God - I do and I know that He loves Ty more than anyone here on earth does - but what if God's will is not the will of the thousands here praying? What if the outcomes don't match up? What if God has a different plan? It is hard to think about and this is not even my child... yet I feel like part of him is. I am a mother - and watching this all play out tugs at my maternal nerves. I read the posts about Ty and I am immediately connected to this child - just because I have children of my own. I am not trying to say that I understand all that they are going through - not by a long shot - but the mom in me is scared. This could be any child - this could be my child - and for the first time I am scared of God's will. I ache for this child to be healed and I pray and I cry and my mind wanders to dark places and so I pray harder and harder. But God's will will be done and we have to trust that He knows what's best. We have to hope for the miracle and hope for the things that we want to be part of God's plan and then truly leave the rest to Him. We have to let go of what we know and trust Him. It is so hard! It can be heartbreaking and frustrating and scary - but that is what we are called to do. Let His will be done and accept it.
I will pray with hope for Ty and his family and I will pray for peace and comfort and I will pray for understanding. But I think the biggest thing I can pray for for them and for all of us is acceptance - not to give up - but acceptance that God has a plan and that His plan is perfect and we may not understand it... now... but He's got a plan! He knows the desires of all of our hearts and He wants to give us what we want - maybe we just need to let go long enough so He can give it.
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